Steadfast Trust: Navigating Life with a Brain Tumor
- Elizabeth Giles
- Jan 9
- 13 min read
Updated: 3 days ago
Apathy
Expressions of melancholy now marked her once-warm, engaging face. Though she used to enjoy daily phone conversations with her sons and daughters-in-law, she now sat in near silence, phone down, calendar empty. The world felt distant and irrelevant.
Her laughter faded like the waning moon, subtle at first, almost imperceptible, until she had withdrawn into such darkness that it couldn’t be ignored or excused. By all appearances, Paulette was suffering from depression.
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. Psalm 42:11
Fading to Darkness
With big eyes that sparkle with mischief and energy, her conversation was always punctuated with dramatic gestures and bubbly laughter. She enjoyed adventures with her husband, catching up with her sons and their families, and spending time with friends.
Even the joy she shared with Rob no longer lit up her eyes; laughter felt hollow. Although she faithfully attended church on Sundays, followed the Bible readings, the melodies of hymns on her lips, her soul felt untouched.
“I knew enough to know I wasn’t okay, but I didn’t even have the clarity to ask God why,” she pondered with a light shrug.
As Paulette slipped deeper into herself, Rob sought to determine a cause. Her family had been concerned for a while. Eventually, even her church family noticed her apathy and some dear friends brought their concerns directly to the couple.
Kayla, Paulette’s daughter-in-law suggested a twofold plan, addressing the potential of a physical or a spiritual cause. Paulette seemed deeply depressed. As the root of depression is often unrepentant sin, she spent time talking with Kayla, exploring that possibility, but Paulette kept short accounts with the Lord and it brought no further clarity. The doctors were equally baffled and sent her home with vague reassurances and a tentative suggestion of psychological causes.
When I kept silent about my sin, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. Psalm 32:3
Without answers, Rob gave in to the most modern way of diagnosing: he googled it. “I did the worst thing possible. I looked up those symptoms on the Internet. And all of the symptoms that she had were pointing to some form of dementia or an early onset of dementia.”
With no diagnosis, all they could do was watch and wait. Paulette continued to deteriorate.
“We would get done eating breakfast and she would have to go rest because she was tired from eating breakfast,” Rob realized.
Paulette added, “I had to sit down to brush my teeth because it was so exhausting.”
While Rob worked long days, over an hour away in Denver, God provided attentive care from a local daughter-in-law, Jennifer. On Jennifer’s way to work, she would stop in to check on Paulette, providing meals and ensuring she got out of bed at least once. Rob was worried she wouldn’t eat, and she certainly would not have if Jennifer hadn’t lovingly ensured it. Her nonlocal sons and their wives were also attentive with frequent calls to check on her.
“If I had handpicked my son’s wives myself, I would not have done as a good a job as God did, when he picked my son’s wives,” Paulette recounted, with great appreciation.
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith. Galatians 6:9-10
Anchored in Faith
“The one thing that I am so grateful for is that she continued to be in her Bible and reading and praying in the mornings, at least as far as I could tell,” Rob shared. In every way that Paulette is animated and conversation flows effortlessly from her, Rob is the contrary. Direct and of few words, he has a patient, steady disposition; his face somber, with deep kindness written across his smiling eyes.
“I have seen my husband love me with the love of the Lord, and he loves me and cares for me as Christ loves and cares for the church,” Paulette remembered, looking lovingly into his eyes.
One thing they never questioned in the quest for answers was Paulette’s salvation. Raised in charismatic churches, she had routinely dedicated her life to the Lord, until finally understanding the concept of eternal security in the late 80s.
And I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish—ever; and no one will snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. John 10:28-29
The sanctifying habit of reading her Bible was so ingrained in Paulette’s soul that even in her detached state, God’s Word was an anchor. Though she rarely remembered what she read or even if she read at all, Rob noticed that her Bible bookmark was moved every day, giving him a quiet comfort. He led her in daily prayer and devotions, recalling the vivacious spirit she once had, and prayed steadily for his beloved helpmate.
“My first prayer was that I would be capable and up to the task of taking care of her, whatever that looked like,” the devoted husband reminisced.
For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. Romans 15:4
Wisely, Rob sought counsel from more than the internet. A friend whose father had shown similar symptoms gave Rob the excellent piece of advice to secure long-term health insurance. Longtime members of a faithful, Bible teaching church, he kept the elders informed on Paulette’s symptoms and was faithfully prayed for and encouraged.
The way of an ignorant fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel. Proverbs 12:15
As time went on, Rob became convinced that Paulette’s problem must be neurological instead of dementia. After finally procuring the long-term health insurance, which had been delayed due to issues out of his control, Rob took Paulette back to the doctor, determined to get answers this time.
Signs and Symptoms
“You thought it was 2016!” Rob chuckled. “I was just trying not to react to whatever it was she was saying, so she didn’t think it was wrong and change her answers to try to pass the quiz.”
Her doctor administered a simple memory test, but she failed seven of the ten easy questions. Still, insurance had them on the slow track for testing, but Rob wasn’t easily pacified. Advocating tirelessly for his bride, they finally agreed on a plan where Rob would pay for an MRI out of pocket to move things forward.
An appointment opened that very day and they accepted without hesitation. Technicians are trained not to comment on results, so they were surprised when the technician looked at them, his expression soft, and said quietly, “God bless you guys.”
Just two hours later, Paulette’s primary doctor called. “You have a brain tumor,” were her solemn words.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
Behind the Bone
Weakness, forgetfulness, and fatigue had prevented Paulette from driving for months, so her son Beau gladly chauffeured her to the neurosurgeon’s office a week later. Rob left work early to meet them there. As the surgeon pulled up the scans, Rob and Beau leaned toward the screen. Neither needed to speak.
“Oh my gosh. It must be really bad!” That was Paulette’s first thought as she witnessed their reaction to the images, before the doctor had even said a word about it. “And so he said that they have to do brain surgery on me, and I'm like, okay, I'm not busy tomorrow!”
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7
On March 5, 2020, just two weeks before the world shut down for Covid, God answered their prayers and Paulette was wheeled into surgery. The neurosurgeon cut away part of her skull to access her brain. Pressing against the frontal lobe, at the shelf behind her eyes, sat a benign meningioma, the size of a large egg, likely growing unnoticed for over a decade.
Rob slept on the hard hospital sofa, rose at every beep of a monitor, and attended to her needs without complaint. Through it all, his prayers never ceased, rising in praise for God’s faithfulness to them.
Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. Colossians 4:2
Full Speed Ahead
She was back! Though her body lagged from its weakened state prior to the surgery, Paulette’s mind was whirling.
“I couldn’t stop thinking,” she remembered with a grin. Freed from the pressure of the tumor, her intelligence and liveliness burst forth again “I was like, what about this, what about that? I’d wake up and say, ‘Is it okay if I start talking?’ and he’d go, ‘Just give me another five minutes.’”
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22
In God’s kindness, the pandemic kept Rob working from home, allowing him to care for Paulette daily as she recovered. With physical therapy and great patience, her strength slowly returned.
“I went from not being able to get off the toilet by myself to being able to leg press 120 pounds! Now there was quite a time frame in there, but I was improving and doing really well.”
A Biblical Perspective of Suffering
Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. James 4:14
The faithful couple sat in their familiar seats near the front of the church as Pastor Josh preached from Philippians 2.
“With the next trial unbeknownst to me, I was listening to that sermon thinking about the past and all that we had been through. It brought about so much spiritual growth in both of us and in our marriage that it was like, you know, we can just really see God’s hand in us, and we can praise Him for this trial,” Paulette explained.
Pastor Josh showed that when believers grumble about their circumstances, they are grumbling against the Almighty God who has ordained those circumstances for us.
“That sermon just did so much to lighten the burden of the what-ifs. I even went home the next day and wrote in my journal how much that had impacted me. And I said, you know, if I had to do it all over again, I would do it, knowing all the good that has come from it.”
She continued, “I believe that sermon from Josh was God’s way of preparing me for what was to come.”
Do all things without grumbling or disputing, so that you will be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to boast because I did not run in vain nor labor in vain. Philippians 2:14-16
That sermon biblically reframed their suffering. Rob and Paulette saw with clarity, that their suffering was part of God’s sovereign plan. They learned to glorify God not despite their pain, but through it.
Migraines and Sponges
Five months after brain surgery, Paulette had returned to her radiant self - driving again, running errands, reclaiming the simple things in life. One day, an impatient driver in a 15-passenger van illegally cut around her. Instead of saving time, the van collided with her little Audi, jolting her slender body with force, whipping her head violently, resulting in a painful concussion.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. Isaiah 55:8
Two weeks later, swelling surfaced on her forehead, steadily expanding. Doctors dismissed it as a routine aftereffect of brain surgery - a harmless hematoma, nothing to worry about.
When Paulette pressed the swollen mass on her forehead, she could literally hear fluid moving.
“It was like a sponge getting squeezed in my ear,” she remembered, touching her forehead behind her wispy red bangs.
Determined to move forward, Paulette pushed on until recurring, painful migraines interrupted everything. Ice packs and pain relievers were constant companions, until the pain became debilitating.
In February of 2021, Paulette’s doctor finally ordered another MRI.
“He called me and said, ‘Your MRI shows that you have an infection in your brain, and you have already been admitted to the hospital at Anschutz. You need to get down there as soon as possible with the expectation that you will have brain surgery today.’”
This is the part of the story where many Christians would cry out, “Not again, Lord! Why?!”
For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. Matthew 12:34b
But that was not their response. What overflowed instead, was peace. They trusted so completely in their Savior - abiding faithfully in the One who had knit them together in their mother’s womb, who understood every detail of the science behind her brain tumor because He had created it Himself - that they knew there was nothing to be anxious about.
Just as they had with the first tumor, they accepted the news, prayed for wisdom, and took one step at a time, eyes faithfully fixed on the Lord.
The bump emerged on Paulette's face after her August 2020 car accident—small at first, then slowly swelling into something soft, movable, and strangely alive. Pressing it triggered a subtle whooshing in her ears; as it enlarged, it began to alter her appearance, pulling at the contours she had always known.
Mistakes Revealed
Once Paulette’s brain was exposed, the surgeon immediately realized it was not an infection. It was the result of an error from the first operation.
“The cause of this was because the first doctor either took a shortcut or did something he was not supposed to do. He sealed some of the sinus mucous membrane inside the skull when he closed up,” Rob recalled, his voice still hinting at the incredulousness of it all.
“By God’s grace, the accident created the fissure that let us find it. Who knows what would have happened if it had kept building up!” Rob marveled at God’s providence. “We saw God’s hand in every detail - from timing to doctors - and that strengthened our faith more than anything else.”
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
Because the fluid eroded part of her skull, the surgeons removed the damaged bone and attempted to reconstruct her forehead. Over time, Paulette’s body rejected the bone paste, metal plates, and cadaver material they used to fill the damaged area. That led to several more reconstructive surgeries.
“We can just really see God’s hand in this and praise Him!” agreed Paulette, with an emphatic grin at her husband.
Most hospital visits end with a stop at the gift shop. Paulette’s souvenir was far more unusual. She asked the surgeon for two of the titanium discs once fastened inside her skull. Startled by the request, he surprisingly agreed. Today, those discs dangle from her earlobes. She made them into earrings, a stylish reminder of knowing God’s peace, in the midst of great suffering.
“They’re the most expensive jewelry she owns,” Rob joked with a smile at his cheerful wife.
Though time has passed, their journey on this trial is not finished. Paulette undergoes annual MRIs to monitor for new growth. Just before sharing their story, one scan revealed a small recurrence - only two millimeters. Her case was referred to a tumor board to determine next steps.
Faith and Recovery
While some marriages would have fractured under such afflictions, Rob and Paulette stood firmly on the Rock of Ages, growing closer to the Lord God and to one another. They resemble lovestruck newlyweds - always holding hands, leaning into one another. The physical reason for this is Paulette’s damaged eyes.
“The neuro-ophthalmologist said there are three nerves in my eyes that are definitely angry. They may not have cut them during the surgery, but they moved them,” explained Paulette, with the medical vocabulary of one who has been immersed in medicine for a long time.
A drooping eyelid, double vision, poor depth perception, and eyes that no longer tracked together became Paulette’s new challenges.
Part of her skull had to be removed during the second surgery. Two further attempts to reconstruct her forehead were unsuccessful. These days, Paulette just lets her bangs sweep naturally across her forehead, unbothered by stares or opinions. What matters most is the simple, unshakable truth: God is good, in pain and in sorrow, in brain surgery and in health.
“The plastic surgeon did an eyelid lift, and double vision went away! The surgeon said, ‘Well, that does not happen,’ but I said, ‘I’m pretty sure I’m gonna give the credit to the Lord,’” Rob chuckled softly.
Her forehead still bears a hollow that can never be fully restored, one eye still lags. “I just have to be content with the way I look. It gives me a way to share and to teach my grandkids,” she declared, with her always positive spin.
Rob added, “We can’t go back to what normal was - this is our new normal, and we’re thankful in it.”
Her vision still fluctuates, so she often leans on Rob to gently guide her, making them appear inseparable. Even if her eyesight is the practical reason, their closeness runs much deeper. Within minutes of meeting them, their devotion is evident. Rob helps her with makeup and styles her hair on difficult days, and in return, is rewarded with fluttering lashes, a radiant smile, and unwavering adoration.
Glorifying Him Today
“The very fact that I woke up this morning means that there is something God has for me to do today,” Paulette declared. “This is the life God has ordained for us at this time and place. We need to accept that, embrace it, and glorify Him in it.”
Their love for one another is surpassed only by their love for God - the One who has sustained and sanctified them, continuing to grow their faith and knowledge of Him, as they fix their eyes steadfastly on Him.
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8
Update: Forever a Journey
The small growth detected on Paulette’s MRI was caught early, requiring only one round of radiation. Whether the tumor will return again, only the Lord knows - and that is enough for Rob and Paulette Hastings.
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